Life

I Followed My Dream of Moving to California

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**Don’t miss the video at the end of this post**

If I had a dime for every time someone has responded with “WOW, that must have been a HUGE cultural shock” or “OMG, that must have been SUCH a big change for you!” when I tell them that I moved from Indianapolis, Indiana to Los Angeles, California, I would be a …well not millionaire, but pretty damn close. Listen, Indianapolis has a current population of nearly 1 million people. I didn’t grow up shucking corn on a farm (although my Mom did)…I grew up in the suburbs of a metropolitan city.  Yes, Los Angeles is a much larger, more diverse, and more liberal city (which are exactly the reasons why I love it), but c’mon, I was not a country bumpkin that moved all wide eyed and “well, GOLL-Y” to the first big city that I ever visited.

Where everyone thinks I grew up when I say “Indiana:”

rural AF

Where I actually grew up:

I’m a city girl at heart. The sounds of sirens are like music to my ears.  OK, that might be a little aggressive, but I love everything about living in a big city.  Diversity, sightseeing, restaurants, lesbians, events, etc….just STUFF to do!  That being said, moving to LA was one of the most empowering and life changing events in my life.  This August will be my 5 year anniversary with the City of Angels and we are still going strong.

In 2012, after over a year of applying for countless jobs all over California, I finally landed an incredible medical sales job in LA. If you want to know more of the background about why and how I got a job in LA, check out my other post: Saying Yes; My Catalyst to Manifesting

But here’s the thing, I had never actually been to LA.  In fact, I had never been to Southern California at all.  I had always been in love with the San Francisco bay area and had visited there over a dozen times but had never ventured south.  This was mostly because I didn’t know anyone there!  So there I was, 27 years old, and about to move to a city that I had never visited and where I didn’t know anyone.  I had three weeks to find an apartment and move my entire life (including two exceptionally large cats) across the country.

Yep, exceptionally large:

During a quick weekend trip to LA and a whopping 2 days of apartment hunting, I found a super cute one bed/one bath in the gayborhood, West Hollywood. And, lucky for me, my younger brother’s common sense had not yet fully developed and he offered to drive my car with his girlfriend at the time (now wife) and my chunky fur babies on a 4 day cross country road trip. My bad ass sister in law, Katie, who is a much better writer that I, wrote this amazing PUBLISHED short story about her experience on this adventure: What Cheeseburgers Look Like in Kansas.  I don’t want to give too much away but as it turns out, cats do not make ideal road trip companions. I also now know how to purchase a new car in the state of Utah over the phone.  Fun times.  Read the story, thank me later.

Starting from scratch in a new city is both terrifying and exciting.  Have you ever dreamed about dropping everything, moving away and just starting over in a new city, state, or country? Samsies.  Well, I did it, and it was incredible.  I feel like everyone at some point in their life should CREATE the opportunity to reinvent themselves in a new environment.  Not become someone new, but be in a situation where you are vulnerable and introduce yourself to people intentionally as the most true version of you.  It is in those vulnerable situations where you learn so much about yourself.  There were definitely moments of loneliness and pang of homesickness. Many bottles of wine and pints of ice cream were consumed  while “netflixing and chilling” with my cats before I developed a support system in my new city.

Take a trip alone, do that one thing you have always been wanting to do.  Start working on that bucket list that you keep adding to but never cross anything off. Stop making excuses to yourself about why now isn’t a good time.  You just need to save up a little money.  Just stop.  If I had allowed myself to do this…I would still be sitting in a cubicle in Indiana, hating my life.  Not because my life would actually be terrible but because I would KNOW on the inside that I was destined for something different but that I was too scared to make the leap and go for it.  You Know what I mean.. That feeling on the inside that you would just MEANT to be.

Los Angeles is my home now.  I feel grateful every single day for the amazing people I have met and the incredible experiences this city has provided.  This Indiana girl won’t be moving home anytime soon.

XO Liz Baxter – Your Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian

Follow me on:
IG: @LizBinLA

Twitter: @LizBinLA 

YouTube: Liz Baxter

6 Things About Me That Have Nothing to Do With Being Gay

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Lesbians: We’re Just Like You

My Dad called me the other day to tell me that while he loves my blog posts and YouTube videos, he thinks that there is a lot more about me that is interesting other than the fact that I am a lesbian.  He makes a good point!  So here I am – writing a blog and making a video about something other than “gay stuff.”

I honestly didn’t know how to pick a topic for this post/video at first because there are so many things that I am passionate about and things that I could share.  So, instead of picking one, I decided to talk briefly about 6 things that I think are cool and interesting about me.  I am just Your Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian, after all.

Don’t miss the video that I made about these 6 things at the bottom of this post 🙂

1. I am a certified Scuba Diver

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Best.Hobby.Ever.  Seriously, every time I go diving I contemplate all of my life decisions and temporarily convince myself that I should move to a tropical island and become a dive master.  My Grandfather, Dad, and brother are all certified and have been diving for years so I guess it runs in the family.  I finally got certified in 2011 and I am so glad that I did.  So far I have been diving in a lake in Indiana (where I got certified), Key West, Australia, Belize, and Cabo.  My next trip is to Costa Rica in November so expect some amazing underwater go pro videos!

2. I speak Italian

Or at least, I did. I cannot believe it has been 10 years since I studied abroad in Florence, Italy and fell in love with the city, country, and the people.  Actually, after digging up these old pics and seeing what I used to look like, I can believe that it has been 10 years.

Like millions of other American students, I spent a semester studying abroad during my junior year of college.  Only, I was determined to go back…and I did.  I returned to Florence a few months after my study abroad semester ended to complete my degree required internship.  This time I lived alone while working the front desk/concierge at a luxury hotel in the middle of Florence.  I was the only American working at the entire hotel which allowed for a complete language immersion.  Man, it was so brutal at first. Going from only hearing Italian in a classroom to being forced to use it every day in real life.  At the grocery, the train station, with my colleagues…it was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.  By the time my four month internship ended, I was pretty damn proficient at understanding and speaking the Italian language.

Turns out, not so many people in the US speak Italian so I have not had much practice since then.  I am rusty as hell but one day I am going to get back on the horse and re-learn the language.  When I buy my house on Lake Como, obviously.

3. I was a Tourism Management major in college

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Yes, that is an actual major.  Really, it was hospitality management.  But, more importantly, it just sounded fun and there was a ferris wheel on the brochure that I stumbled upon in the guidance counselor’s office.  Studying about travel?  Sign me up.  Most people went on to work in hotels or on cruises.  I just wanted a way to move back to Italy or travel as much as possible working for a tour company. Neither of those things happened for me (not for lack of trying) and I ended up working as an event manager for Marriott for 5 years after college. But don’t quit your dreams kids because that is not where my story ends, obviously!

4. Yep, I was a sorority girl

Girl, I know.  I lived in a huge mansion with 97 other girls in the Theta house at Indiana University for 3 years.  Man, we made some great memories and also killed a lot of brain cells.  I was clueless about my sexuality in college. I really just thought that I hadn’t met the right guy yet. If only I had known…

Also, if you can’t pick me out of these pictures….good.

5. I love reading

I am especially obsessed with motivational books (I refuse to call them “self help” books).  The Jen Sincero book in the picture above was pretty life changing for me.  I am also currently reading The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.  Do yourself a favor and read these books.  I never used to be a big reader but I swear that after I turned 30, I became a huge nerd.  I actually look forward to Sunday afternoons with just my tiny dog and a good book. Step aside Netflix.

6. I have been single AF for 3 years

For the first six years of my “out” life, I pretty much went from one serious relationship to another with barely enough time to come up for air in between.  But times have changed and this girl has growed up (yes I meant to say growed even though it is not an actual word).   I have dated girls in the past three years but I have not actually been in a relationship.  I think there is something really special about enjoying your own company and feeling completely comfortable being “alone.”  I am not sure why people have such a need to always been in a relationship.  Some people deal with loneliness and insecurity when single.  I get that but if you can’t be a solid happy human when it just you then how can you be one in a relationship?  You are more likely to define who you are by who you are with and the role that you play in that relationship.  I don’t think that ever leads to a truly healthy partnership.

Anyway, enough making excuses for why I am single.  It has been an amazing experience getting to know myself but I am also completely open and willing to meet someone if the universe delivers.  I hope that happens one day because I am going to be a killer partner.

Check out my video to see my chat about these 6 things:

That’s all for now, thanks for reading!

XO Liz Baxter – Your Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian

Follow me on:
IG: @LizBinLA

Twitter: @LizBinLA 

YouTube: Liz Baxter

My Experience Being a Lesbian on FOX’s Love Connection

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Well, that’s a wrap and what a ride it has been!  A little over a week ago, FOX’s Love Connection with Andy Cohen aired an episode featuring lesbians looking for love featuring yours truly.  It was such an incredible and empowering experience.  The support I received from my friends and family was unreal and the reaction from the media and strangers (I received many awesome messages) was also overwhelmingly positive.  If you missed the episode, check it out here:

Episode #8 (second half):

Watch the Episode

Also, I wrote some words (AKA a Commentary) for The Advocate that was recently published and summarized my feelings about this entire experience.  Please take the time to read below.  Also, don’t miss the recap video that I made with Alison (if you are wondering who Alison is, WATCH THE DAMN EPISODE, YO!) at the end of this post.

My Words for the Advocate:

When I was asked to be a contestant on Love Connection’s first lesbian episode, I said, “No. Hell, no.”

I have a corporate job and a conservative family, and the thought of potentially embarrassing my family and my vulnerable self on national television wasn’t appealing. But after I weighed my potential connection to the show against the many opinions of family and friends, I had a revelation: This was bigger than me and more important than any concern or criticism.

I was 23 when I realized I was gay. Many people say they knew they were queer long before they identified as such, but this was not the case for me. Sometimes I wonder, If I had been more exposed to different types of queer women at an earlier age, would it have been different for me?

The L Word is arguably the most successful lesbian-focused show ever aired (and it’s coming back!) and set the bar high with its six-season run. I only wish that the show had been around sooner, so young women like me could have access to a world where there isn’t a singular definition of a lesbian.

I am only one small piece of an enormous community. The LGBTQ demographic, like any other, is created by people of diverse ethnic, racial, and socio-economic backgrounds, with countless interpretations of beauty. Yet human nature encourages the impulse to seek out films and television shows that mirror what we look and act like. The media routinely mirrors heterosexual norms, which breeds ignorance and trivializes those who do not identify with the mainstream. Exposure to the LGBTQ community gives a tiny morsel of knowledge to those who don’t experience out LGBTQ people in their everyday lives.

Commonalities are the ties that bind us. I am a kindhearted queer person who wants to love and be loved. How relatable is that? The Love Connection episode that focuses on single queer women lends the LGBTQ community a platform to be seen not as “other,” but as relatable people — just like a friendly neighbor.

Maybe a mom will see me and the other amazing women on the episode and realize we aren’t any different from her daughter or herself. Perhaps she’ll have her own revelation, seeing that the portrayals of lesbians in popular culture are skewed and inaccurate. Queer women are not going through “a phase.” Lesbians are not bored heterosexuals. Maybe a parent who has an LGBTQ child — who just came out or has yet to — will now have a more informed and hopeful perspective. And they’ll feel more at ease because they know there are other people out there like their child. A mom or dad will be comforted knowing their daughter or son is and will be OK. Maybe someone who is in the closet, struggling and suffering, will see this episode and no longer feel alone.

As I reflect on my hilarious experiences filming Love Connection, I feel nothing but gratitude to be on the first queer women episode of that show. A Fox prime-time dating show, based on one that produced over 2,100 heterosexual episodes, will have its first lesbian seeking love. It’is more important now than ever for television and the media at large to continue the normalization of all LGBTQ individuals. People relate to people, not labels.

Link to the Commentary: The Advocate

Check out the Recap Video I made with Alison:

Also, peep my other videos and follow my YouTube channel here: Liz Baxter YouTube

More to come, this is just the beginning for me. 🙂

XOXO

Liz Baxter

Your Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian

Follow me on:
IG: @LizBinLA

Twitter: @LizBinLA 

YouTube: Liz Baxter

Today there will be Lesbians on Love Connection with Andy Cohen

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Holy Cannoli, today is the day!  I am both nervous and excited!  Tonight at 9:00pm on FOX, the Love Connection with Andy Cohen will make history by airing the first ever gay or lesbian episode. I made a quick video yesterday about how I was feeling (spoiler, I was kind of freaking out):

Also, check out my media page to watch my live interview on KTLA from yesterday and listen to my radio appearance on Andy Cohen’s SiriusXM Radio show (Channel 102) earlier this week: https://yourfriendlyneighborhoodlesbian.com/liz-baxter-lesbian-media-love-connection/

I seriously cannot thank everyone enough for all of the AMAZING support!  I have been feeling so much love from friends, family, and strangers…my heart is so full.  I hope that you all enjoy the episode and I will be writing more about the whole experience soon.  ALSO, I will be making a YouTube video with one of the amazing women that I met on the show so follow my YouTube Channel if you don’t already.

Love you all!! XO

Liz Baxter

Follow me on:
IG: @LizBinLA

Twitter: @LizBinLA 

YouTube: Liz Baxter

Saying Yes: My Catalyst to Manifesting

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There has been a theme to my life recently.  Well I guess it’s been about a decade but I am just now putting it all together and giving myself credit. The theme: saying YES to as much as possible…including starting this blog.

I will try to not get too preachy here about how you all should live your lives and instead focus on my story and the amazing things that happened and doors that opened when I started saying YES to more things.

Mull this over for a hot sec…are you someone who says yes to most things or do you have an arsenal of excuses?  But really?  I was someone who had excuses.  Or as I saw them, very reasonable and grounded explanations for why I wasn’t doing certain things or why some things just weren’t possible.  “It’s actually better if I don’t because…”  Sound familiar??

I was raised to get a good job, work your way up, follow the rules, save for retirement, and don’t do anything too risky.  My parents wanted the best for me so they taught me to be smart but also to play it safe and stay on the beaten path.  I still have an inherent fear inside of me that flairs up whenever I stray off the path…at least initially.  But, that fear is more and more drowned out by the draw of opportunity and possibility.  The “What if?” version of glass half full.  Each time I take a chance and “say yes” to something that is both terrifying and exciting, the fear gets a little less and the excitement a little more when the next opportunity presents itself.

The universe is always providing opportunities, you just have to have the awareness to SEE them and then say YES!

Yes to Italy!

The first life changing “yes” that I can remember is my decision to study abroad in Italy and then go back again, alone, to work and complete my college required internship.  There is something magical about living in a foreign country alone, with some days where you don’t speak a word to anyone except strangers on the street or vendors at the farmers market.  That’s a lot of time alone…a lot of time to get to know yourself.  Will you be scared and lonely or will you embrace the vulnerable situation?  I didn’t realize it at the time but I fully embraced my vulnerability.

I realized that the world was SO much bigger than the tiny bubble that I lived in and frankly my mind was blown.  I went to a state university in a rural town in Indiana and lived in a sorority house for 3 years.  Previously, my time was spent doing the bare minimum to get decent grades in school so that I could have more time for beer pong and corn hole.  When I got back from Italy, things were different.  Beer pong was still fun but I started to think about what I really wanted to do with my life…so many exciting possibilities flooded my thoughts. It was like a part of my brain had been turned on that had never been used.  EXPOSURE…  The more you expose yourself to new experiences, the more “data” you collect to then choose from that helps you visualize and plan what you want to do with your life.  LIFE GOALS, dayum.

All of a sudden, a whole new realm of life possibilities were opened in my mind.  I didn’t have to just graduate college, get a good job, buy a house, have babies, whatever… I could travel the world, get a job where I would travel to other countries, LIVE in other countries, move out of Indiana…WHOA.

Yes to coming out!

Ok, y’all, I am not going to re-hash my whole coming out story because I already did that here: Turns Out…I’m Gay AF. Butttt, looking back, I realize that I accepted my gayness in my own head with much less of a fight than it could have been.  I mean, I could have tried to deny to myself or been too fearful to act on it or talk to anyone about it.  We live in a society of labels and sexual orientation is a large part of someone’s identity. I think sometimes coming out to yourself or the willingness to accept yourself as an LGBTQ individual is harder than coming out to others.  I am proud that I was able to say yes to being a lesbian without too much self-loathing or wasted time.

I actually think that being gay automatically put me into the “not normal” category which opened the door to me embracing being different, in general.  I realized that I wanted to live in a big city with more diversity and more a of gay community/presence.  And more hot lesbians, DUH!  Because of this desire, I set my goals on moving to California and not taking “no” for an answer. I spent a lot of time (YEARS) dreaming about living in California…the warm weather, amazing restaurants, the ocean, the hoards of beautiful gay people.  Which leads me to…

Yes to moving to CA and changing careers!

I had a Tourism Management major and had worked in a hotel for 4+ years after graduating.  I had been promoted from an assistant to a management position and for the entire 4+ years I worked in a cubicle in an internal office with no windows.  I worked nights and weekends usually totaling 50+ hours a week. Most days in the winter I would come in when it was dark and leave when it was dark, never seeing the light of day.  I was miserable.  I just knew this couldn’t be it for me.

I told myself that because ALL of my work experience was in hotels/hospitality (and my major was Tourism) that I couldn’t possibly be qualified to do a job doing something else, something different.  Something where I could work less and make more money.  It sounds too good to be true, right?  No, homegirl, no…I was a quick learner, a go getter, and successful at anything I really put my mind to…I just needed to believe in myself.  I always KNEW I would find a way.

It took me a long time to actually verbalize my goals for fear of ridicule or everyone harshing my mellow.  Which they did anyway.  California is too expensive, you hardly know anyone there, how will you get a job, how will you move your three cats (STOP JUDGING ME), etc. I would spend hours apartment hunting on craigslist in my free time just to envision myself living in California.  I pictured a life where I had a flexible schedule, made way more money, lived near so many cool things that a big city offers, near the ocean, plenty of time to enjoy life outside of my career.

I kid you not, I am currently living the life that I dreamed about (BOLD).  I manifested exactly what I wanted and I am living it.  I currently live in the heart of Los Angeles, 30 minutes from the beach, two hours to palm springs, 15 minutes to amazing hikes, and an hour or so from mountains and skiing.  The sun is literally shining every damn day…it’s a beautiful thing.  I have an incredible sales job that allows me to travel all over California and work out of my house.  I make at least 3X as much money than in my last job in Indiana, and I actually enjoy what I do!  Last year I won sales rep of the year and a free trip to Mexico. Seriously! There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about how badly I wanted the life that I am currently living and feel immense gratitude.  SO many things have fallen into place.

Yes to getting fit/crossfit!

My first year in LA consisted of many nights out drinking, smoking cigarettes, and indulging in any and all food that I wanted at any time with no restriction.  Lezbehonest here, I’m talking frozen stuffed crust DiGiorno pizza dipped in ranch at least 3x a week.  I literally did NO form of exercise for the entire year other than an occasional hike at Runyon (the easy paved path of course). Let’s just say, I was living FAR from a healthy lifestyle.

Crossfit people always annoyed me with all of their talking about crossfit, so I had always taken part in a one person boycott.  Bitter Betty party of one!  Anyway, fast forward to finally saying YES, I need to get off my lazy ass and get into a gym.  I bought a groupon to an all girls gym in West Hollywood right near my house.  I showed up the first day and realized it was a crossfit gym, oops!  I had bought a 20 pack so I told myself to keep an open mind and finish all 20 classes.  The first day I could not complete the workout and I spent the second half of the 60 min class sitting outside on the steps for fear of losing my lunch onto the floor…and all of my dignity with it.  Yet I went back…and again, and again.  By the 4th class or so, I was hooked.  Almost 4 years later, the crossfit community has been such a huge part of my life.  Most of my closest friends I met at the gym.  People from all walks of life that I would never have met otherwise.  Also, now I give a shit about how I eat and how I treat my body.  I am more fit now than I have been in my entire life, I drink MUCH less, and I haven’t touched a cigarette in years.  I used to freaking HATE going to the gym and now I look forward to it.  I get to hang out with my friends while doing something miserable and then commiserate with those same friends.  Sounds amazing right?

Yes to the Love Connection with Andy Cohen!

Oh boy guys, this is a good one.  When this opportunity presented itself I initially said no.  Hell no.  I listened to some not so positive feedback from others (AHEM, my parents) and made up a story as to why it was better for me NOT to do the show.  But obviously I came to my senses and I will write about my full experience in a future post…stay tuned!

The bottom line is…I obviously said YES to Andy Cohen and the Love Connection!  Looking back, it was truly a FUN experience!  Being on the first lesbian episode of the Love Connection ever and having it air on FOX…pretty damn cool.  Plus, I met some super cool people and who knows what doors it will open or further opportunities it will provide.  Also, NO , I don’t know what date my episode will air yet but I will let you all know as soon as I do!

Yes to starting this blog!

Which brings me to this website/blog and why I said yes to this as well, despite the MILLIONS of people who have websites or blogs about their daily life, things they like or dislike, and basically everything under the sun.  Initially I had thoughts (fears) such as: What sets me apart? Why would people want to read what I have to say? There are far more talented people out there, will I be just another basic bitch, etc.  I allowed these thoughts to win for a while and then I thought.. why the fuck not?  What do I have to lose?  Maybe someone will read just one story of mine and it might make them change the way they think about something in their life.  Maybe it will raise their awareness for just one day.  Maybe they will say yes to something they wouldn’t have and it will change the trajectory of their journey.  Who knows.

Yes every…damn…day!

It’s not just the major life decisions that impact your life but its the little things everyday.

Things I say yes to every day:

Eating healthy, staying fit, talking regularly with my therapist/life coach, sleeping a lot, not giving a fuck what others think, meditating, reading, visualizing my future, being grateful, calling my Mom, journaling, ETC.

I am living proof that if you say yes to things that good things can happen.

Have you ever thought about how one tiny event or chance encounter lead to something which lead you to someone that told you about something that completely changed the direction of your life?  The universe presents these types of opportunities to us everyday but most of the time we don’t notice them.  Take a week or even a day to pay attention.  Stop making excuses and start saying YES to what the universe is presenting.  Who knows…you could even end up on a stage with Andy Cohen one day.

That’s some deep shit.

XO Liz Baxter

Follow me on:
IG: @LizBinLA

Twitter: @LizBinLA 

YouTube: Liz Baxter